THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF AMERICA (ABRIDGED)

Greenbrier Valley Theatre

The Patriotic Travesty by Adam Long, Reed Martin & Austin Tichenor

Directed by Mark Robinson

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The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...
The Complete History of America...

Photos by Gary Cooper

PROGRAM NOTES

     1776, as everyone knows, was a seminal year for the United States. Independence was established.  The Bill of rights was drafted.  Dick Clark was born.

 

     The year was eventful for another reason: one of our most-essential cultural institutions was instituted.  The autumn of 1776 saw the creation of Cliff Notes. Dreamt-up by Benjamin Franklin's hyperactive third-cousin Sherwood Clifford Franklin - who suffered from attention-deficit disorder - Cliff Notes breathed new life into stuffy classics like The Iliad and Hamlet.  These and other truly boring works of literature were encapsulated into bite-sized, ziplocked and ready-to-serve morsels that any culturally starved moron could digest in just one tasty sitting.

 

     Sherwood's great bastion for illiteracy has continued into the 21st Century; turning out over 8,000 newly scrunched-up titles annually . . . popular favorites such as Shirley MacLaine's Next Life (an autobiography), Dr. Seuss's Horton the Elephant Visits the Valley of the Dolls, and the #1 bestseller Encyclopedia Brown in 'Nam. And now Cliff Notes has inspired us to bring you this evening's entertainment: 1,000 Years of American History, thoughtfully shoehorned into a mere 6 hours of pointless, sporadically-accurate drivel which we hope you will enjoy watching as much as we've enjoyed throwing it together.  I encourage you to take tonight's stories and legends home with you to further mangle, travesty and share with your impressionable little ones.

- Mark Robinson